So You Think You're a Tough Rider?

I remember the first time I heard of the Iron Butt SaddleSore patch. My then-boyfriend and I were having a beer with one of our favorite riding buddies who approached us with the idea of joining him on this 1,000 mile ride in a single day. It seemed crazy and completely unattainable, as the most I had ridden was about 400 miles. When I got off the bike from that ride, my right arm literally would not go down as it was cramped up in riding position. He sounded nuts talking about 1,000 miles! But the more he talked, the more it started to sound reasonable (which is the first sign of the addiction). He had an excellent route of all highway miles, had figured out leave and return times and every gas stop. On this kind of ride, scheduling was critical to success. It sounded very interesting and I was eager to challenge myself to see what I could accomplish. I couldn’t believe it, but I was in. I decided I was going to attempt this crazy ride!

Little did I know he wasn’t asking ‘us’ to join him, but asking my boyfriend. Not my boyfriend and I. He threw the invitation out to both of us just to be respectful (seriously?). I only realized this as the day got closer and my poor boyfriend didn’t know how to tell me. I found we weren’t talking about riding much anymore, and every time the Iron Butt came up an icy chill would over take him. He was a lifetime rider, and I had just crossed over to the street from the dirt. Dirt bikers don’t ride a thousand miles in a day!! He finally had to break the news to me and told me, after much prompting and uncomfortable shuffling of his feet, that this was sort of a “guy thing”. A guy thing? Like what, peeing standing up? I was flabbergasted, then humiliated by my own arrogance of thinking of myself as a ‘rider’ like the two of them. As my stomach dropped, I heard myself offering to act as the required witness of leave and return time and mileage. It was so obviously difficult for him I didn’t have the heart to show any disappointment, but am sure I looked like a little kid who had a beloved puppy die.

I got up and was at the gas station at 4:30 AM, the leave time the morning of their ride. I must admit, standing there in the cold, knowing they had to ride through even colder sections before the sun even came up, I did not envy them! As the day rolled on, I got random text messages from my boyfriend, who seemed like he was having the time of his life. The envy started to build. I decided to ride out to the nearest town to meet them and escort them back home. When I pulled up next to their bikes at the pre-destined gas station I saw their faces and emotions of excitement and pride hit me like a ton of bricks. They really were doing it! When we all made it back to town and I signed their final papers, I realized the decision had been made. Somewhere throughout the course of the day, a solemn promise was made to myself. I was going to do my very own Iron Butt (so help me!).

The next year, to the date, I set out to accomplish my own SaddleSore ride. I created a Facebook event and invited every rider I knew to join me, thinking the peer-pressure would inspire more miles out of me. Two riders from Idaho showed up at our starting point in Moab, Utah, as well as a local riding friend, for a total of four of us. Four of us, out of the 26 who had claimed to participate. It’s the kind of ride everyone wants to do, but very few actually do it. This made me even more determined.

My boyfriend, who had since become my husband, was adamant in following us with a truck and trailer in case of an ‘emergency’. This is something that had never occurred to him on his ride, by the way. He enjoyed the thought of me attempting this, but in all honesty just could not visualize me completing it. Heck, at the time I couldn’t visualize myself completing it, but I couldn’t visualize myself quitting at all, so it was on! The first leg of the ride was uneventful, and everyone was in good spirits at our first gas stop. The second leg, however, was incredibly different with insanely cold temperatures none of us expected in June in the desert. That 100 miles to the next gas stop felt like it was 500 miles long! When we finally got off our bikes and were huddled around the commercial sized coffee pots warming our hands, my husband excitedly told us the truck temperature outside gauge said 31 degrees. At the time, riding in freezing temps, literally, was completely out of the range I thought possible for me. I felt like if I were to rip my shirt open it would showcase an undergarment with a huge, block “S” on it. I was Superman (er, woman).

The next few sections and gas stops went by without incident, but I noticed we started taking longer at the gas stops. Our friend’s voice was echoing my head, as he had talked about no more than ten minutes per stop, but what was a few minutes, really? I just didn’t have the heart to interrupt the camaraderie as we bonded over this crazy thing we were doing. Besides, it felt good! By the time we hit our lunch spot, everyone was ready to be off the bikes, which in turn meant a lot more time sitting than expected. This is when the ride turned, and the agony set in.

Not only had I eaten too much, I had no caffeine to perk me up. On top of that, the route was long and straight, in the middle of nowhere, with nothing on the horizon, nothing to focus on and absolutely nothing to show the progression of distance. It felt as thought I was on a Dyna twisting the throttle and starting at a cool wall mural. As my gas tank was smaller than the others, I waved them on and pulled into a gas station and we parted ways. When I got back on the bike I settled into my tuck and hit a comfortable speed following a grey mini-van. It was the same color as the horizon. I was tired. I realized I was lying on the gas tank, head up like a turtle. Mile after mile after mile after mile and not seeing any progression of distance.

For the first time in my life, I caught myself falling asleep on the bike. My head would drop, waking me up, and the adrenaline coursing through my body would keep me awake. For about five miles, until it happened again. My body started aching from my 5’2” 110 pound frame straddling a fat Harley-Davidson V-ROD Muscle. I tried to switch up riding positions for relief as I didn’t have time to stop and stretch. I not only had to make up the extra time spent at the gas stops (and at lunch), but now I was behind everyone else and couldn’t even see them on the horizon. I couldn’t see my husband behind me in the truck, either. Ironically, my gas gauge decided to take this moment to start giving me false reads, so I got to experience the complete panic as it said I was running out of gas, in the middle of nowhere, with no one I knew around and very few cars on the road. And of course, this was the one part of the entire trip where gas was the scarcest. Every second dragged out and time slowly ticked on while I twisted the throttle, with no sign of traveling, feeling like I was just wasting gas. Still more grey, still more flat, still more straight, still tired, and still fighting to stay awake.

Golden relief came in the form of some curves up ahead. I have no idea how long it had been since I looked in my rear view mirror for my husband, but as he was nowhere in sight I was sure he had somehow gotten ahead of me. I had no choice, even if I wanted to throw in the towel – I had to keep going! I finally got to the intersection with a larger highway and took the opportunity to stop in the dirt area off the side of the road. As I swung my leg over the seat to get off, my body screamed at me in protest. I fell to one knee and struggled to use the bike for support as I climbed back up. To my total shock, a truck and trailer had pulled up and my husband was getting out, asking how I was doing. As I rattled off the long list of complaints, his voice dropped and, in a knowing tone, he hesitated and then asked if I wanted him to load up the bike.

Wait, what? After all I had been through? Loading up the bike would make it all for no reason! I was so offended!! How could he not know me better than that? It didn’t occur to me at the time that I didn’t even know me at that point, as I never had done anything like that. He quickly retracted his offer and denied any thoughts of me wanting to pull out of it. But it was too late, and I was far too irrational to be able to behave in any normal manner so I told him in a very polite way that I was going to continue. Oddly enough, when I heard the tone in my voice it sounded much more like a scorned, petulant child. That just ticked me off more as I was so exposed! I took it all out on the pavement, which now had very satisfying twists and turns on it. I was getting somewhere and I was full of energy!! That anger fed me for the next leg of the trip, and it was just starting to wear off when I reached the next gas stop. I saw the other bikes parked outside of a deli, so I swung in to find them having some refreshments. Stupidly, I joined in as I felt like I not only deserved it, I wanted some time to make things ‘normal’ with my boyfriend. I completely wasted another 20 minutes.

It was on the next section of the ride that reality settled in for all of us. I was itching to make time as the sun was starting to make longer shadows and I wanted to get through a deer infested canyon before dark. This day was already feeling like it had been a week, and we still had 400 miles to go. Four…hundred.

At the next gas stop, the two guys from Idaho decided they had enough to keep going to the next gas stop and took off. My local riding buddy and I gassed up and quickly hit the road but a few miles later we saw a very strange mass of grey about the size of a tractor-trailer hovering above the road right in front of us. As we slowed down upon approach, before we could process what we were seeing, we were in it. A million tiny impacts exploded against our headlamps, visors, arms, and bikes. My visor was completely covered and I couldn’t see, so reactively I raised my left hand and started to wipe my visor as I do in the rain. Luckily I caught myself before I smeared over my entire visor!

The large pond of stagnant water on the side of road was a haven for gnats and mosquitoes. There were so many of them in the swamp that everything was not only covered, but coated in them three layers deep. We didn’t have time to stop, we had nowhere to stop, so we forged onward. We got through the canyon without additional incident and rode as the sun was setting. As the darkness was settling in, my tired eyes started to play tricks on me with the red lights from trucks ahead of us. There is something magical that happens at dusk and the light-devil comes out to cast bizarre shadows and reflections to create absurd scenarios that, although your mind knows it could not be happening, your eyes swear that truck in your lane in front of you is actually two trucks and one is coming at you. I cracked my visor, shook my head in the cold wind and trusted the brake from my riding buddy. If it were true, his brakes would come on. They never did.

About three miles from our last gas stop, something disturbing happened in my right hip and it immediately needed to move. I almost pulled over right there, but when I stretched it out to the side of the bike, it seemed to be better. I won’t go into that story, other than to say all of the aches and body complaints I had were nothing compared to this brand new pain. I made it to the station, gassed up and walked around. Just as we were ready to ride the last leg and it looked hopeful we would accomplish completing the ride, we saw our Idaho friends pulling up. Apparently, they had been there waiting for us…and they weren’t happy. In fact, it looked like one of them had been crying. What the heck?

When I finally got the story, I didn’t even know what to think. One of them had a full face helmet on, but his visor was so tinted he couldn’t see well enough to ride in the dark. The other guy had a half helmet and sunglasses. He had gone through the Wall of Gnats with no eye protection, and literally still had gnats in his eyes. When they started out early that morning their eyes were fresh and didn’t pose as much of a risk riding in the dark. But at the end of the day, exhausted, bug-filled eyes just cannot perform the same. They had no idea how they were going to continue for the last 100 miles of the trip.

Luckily, my boyfriend had thought I would bag out in the middle of the ride and had brought all of his riding gear with him, including his helmet. We gave that to Gnat Eyes, and some clear glasses to Tinted Visor Man and I set off to lead my crew back home.

That last 100 miles felt like an Iron Butt in itself. We finally landed back in Moab, exhausted, two and a half hours later than it took my husband and our buddy to do their run. But I didn’t care. I had done it, my body confirmed I deserved it, and I was ready for a hot bath. I was prepared to be in agony the next morning, but woke up feeling surprisingly good, and regretted that I didn’t set out on an additional five hundred miles to get my 1,500 miles in 36 hour patch. I was hooked!

In closing, it became a huge joke between my husband and I about doing ‘guy things’. Riding motorcycles has nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with a passion inside. Straight up, it’s a ‘rider thing’, and you don’t know if you have it in you until you give it a real try. I even was able to accomplish it, despite so many ways I unknowingly made it harder on myself. But I felt fantastic when I completed it, and it made me realize I was capable of so much more than I had ever imagined. Small things make a huge difference on this ride, and if you are considering attempting an Iron Butt yourself, here are a few tips to ensure the most comfortable time you can have riding your motorcycle for a thousand miles in a single day. Most of these are are what our buddy said that day he invited 'us' on the ride with a few of my own hard learned lessons thrown in;

1. IT'S AN ATHLETIC EVENT, TREAT IT AS SUCH.

2. ROUTE SMARTLY.

First, consider doing the ride in June when the days are longer for as much daylight riding time as possible. Leave very early in the morning, since riding in the dark at the beginning of the ride is much better than riding in the dark at the end of a very long ride. Plan your route so that you are traveling west in the morning and east in the evening to avoid riding into the sun. Plan your route with as much highway time as possible, avoiding metropolitan areas and any other obstacles that will slow you down. Do the math on the route you choose to determine what your average miles-per-hour needs to be, and stick to that. Be sure to keep the risks for tickets to a minimum, as a police stop will drastically eat up time, not to mention ruin your day.

3. PREPARE YOUR BIKE.

Be sure to do a full mechanical check on your machine, tightening all screws, checking all fluids and be extra sure your tires have plenty of wear left. Nothing is worse than coming close to an achievement like this only to have your motorcycle break down. Do not underestimate this, as it’s the last thing you’ll want to be dealing with when you’re tired, frustrated, and far from home.

4. ON THE RIDE.

Do it with as few people as possible, because the more people on the ride, the longer the stops. If you stay diligent about being efficient with your time at gas stops, making them no longer than ten minutes each, you can take a comfortable 30 minute break mid-way through. Don’t be in a hurry, but don’t waste any time. Know your bike’s average miles per gallon!! And keep an eye on your odometer to avoid issues in case of a gauge failure. Stretch at every opportunity you get, and then do it some more.

5. PACK SMART.

Keep all items you may need handy to avoid time-consuming digging through packs. Bring clear glasses or visor as you will be riding in the dark. Arrange your pack in the layers you’ll need and try to have them lined up crossways rather than on top of each other. That way you have easy access to quickly grab what you need. Leave room to peel off jackets and shirts, warmer and cooler riding gloves, extra shirts, and so on. Don’t forget rain gear!

6. WHAT TO WEAR.

This is a much-overlooked aspect, but one I’m confronted with often on my rides. How much time is spent taking on and off clothes? Just that process is lengthy, but then there is the time spent packing and unpacking. Consider the extreme weather temperatures predicted for the day, add about five degrees both ways and pick out the least amount of items you’d need to stay comfortable. Synthetic materials are excellent as a base layer, as they tend to regulate your body and be more flexible to keep you comfortable when it gets both warmer and cooler.

7. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY AS A MACHINE.

You need your body to last as long as possible and you need to ride with a clear head. Be cautious of eating anything heavy as that increases the blood supply to your digestive system and away from your brain. Stay hydrated, it may force you to urinate more often but avoiding the negative effects from dehydration far outweighs the time to pee. At every gas stop consider throwing some nuts and fluids into your system to avoid any energy crashes. While eating lunch consider a reasonable caffeinated drink but be cautious of the energy drinks, unless you know what they’ll do to your system. Some people will enjoy the energy burst only to be dropped like a hot potato and feeling far worse than they did before. An Iron Butt isn’t the time to test new products.

8. REMEMBER WHY.

Ask yourself why you want to attempt this ride and pinpoint your reason. Be sure you have a clear, single answer and then use that when your body starts to complain or your head is telling you how crazy of an idea it is. Having the right mental attitude is everything on a ride like this. Keep in mind that you’re not in competition with anyone else, it is a ride for you. Think about your impressions of someone who has completed an Iron Butt and use that to motivate yourself while you’re on your ride.

9. HAVE FUN!!

Finally, realize that life is great, especially if you’re able to own a motorcycle and have the time to do something as fun as an Iron Butt. Keep that in mind and enjoy every moment you’re out there – you’re going to gain awesome bragging rights and remember it forever!